Oh!
Ahhhh!
♪
Ahhhh!
♪
Counterfeit Cat!
Mood lighting!
Mood music!
♪
I want everything to be perfect
for this special evening Betty has promised me:
"de-worm night"!
"De-worm night"!
What is it, Max?
No idea...
but it's Max-Betty bonding time,
and that's what matters.
Now, shoo!
Tonight, it's just me, Betty,
and that mysterious tub of ointment.
She should be home any...
...minute.
Where is she?!
She's been gone for days!
Years! Hours!
Maybe this means she doesn't love me anymore!
Or... this means it's a chance for
some Max-Gark bonding time.
We'll make funny noises under our armpits.
And did someone say "makeover"?
Oh. Em. Gee.
Someone swing me from a crane,
because I am wrecking this look!
I'm sorry, Gark.
I'm not feeling it.
Something's up with Betty!
♪ Deet-dat-dee ♪
♪ My cat food brings all the kitties to the yard ♪
Oh! Hi, Matt.
Huh?
Sorry I'm home so late.
Time flies when you're, um...
feeding oatmeal to the, um...
polar bears in the, uh... in the park.
Gark, she's lying!
Polar bears don't eat oatmeal.
And look!
A black hair!
Gark, do you know what this means?
"Polar bears have black hair."
Betty's seeing another cat behind my back!
What?! Where?
Uh, figure of speech, buddy.
This is Heartbroken Old Flame
to Sympathetic Friend.
Do you read me?
Like a book with very short words!
Do you have visual on the double-crossing traitor?
Huh?
Betty!
Oh.
Affirmative!
Come on!
We'll follow her into my feline love-rival's lair,
a wretched den of despicable...
chai lattes?!
♪
Phew! We were wrong!
Betty's not seeing another cat.
She's seeing dozens of them!
This is so much worse!
It's some kind of conspiracy -
an evil revenge plot
cooked up by my nemesis...
the Cat Toy God!
Or maybe Betty's just not that into you anymore.
I mean, uh...
Oh! What's this? It looks delicious!
Mmm-mmm!
Betty!
Bettyyyy!
You dudes here for a job?
Sweet gig - get to laze around all day
being petted and pampered...
and fed all-you-can-eat treats!
Huh! I'd be brilliant at that!
Even over-qualified!
Gark, I just had the idea of the century.
We'll get jobs here and...
...climb the corporate ladder of success!
...Destroy it from the inside!
We'll need to go deep undercover
with ingenious disguises!
Disguises? I'm on it!
Here at Kitte Latte,
we offer very special comfort and coffee
to lonely old kooks.
What makes you two skilled for this job?
Does being an all-around handsome and highly awesome cat
count as a skill?
No.
I can do this with my tongue!
Mm! Very good.
And what do you consider your flaws?
Well, FYI, I'm not a morning person.
Or an afternoon person.
Or a waking hours person.
Or a person.
My only flaw is that I'm a complete and utter
perfectionist in every facet of my life.
Did that sound too needy?
Not needy enough?
Oh, I really want this job!
What opportunities will a career at Kitty Latte offer you?
♪
Good job.
That's the forty-zillionth latte you've served today,
and you never once lost your smile.
I can die happy!
Hmm...
That'll teach you to steal my Betty!
Right, Betty?
Oh!
Muahahahaha!
Who's the beardo?
Oh, that's the boss - Calvin Taylor Galvin.
He's "an artist, a god, the Matisse of the macchiato",
a mystery wrapped in a tortilla..."
Yeah, yeah, hipster-dipster barista, got it.
Hey! Santa called!
He wants his beard back!
Am I right?
Or am I right?
Uh... I don't know if Santa called.
Uh, will we be graded separately?
We're very desperate -
if you catch my thinly-veiled slam.
No, not at all.
Employee rulebook.
Learn it backwards. "Make it part of you!"
We're hired!
♪
Employee rule number 376:
"Dare to stare."
Let's see how long this place stays open
when people get chunky milk in their java!
Thanks, Max!
Employee rule number 522:
"Give every customer complete 'cat'-isfaction."
Employee rule 893:
"Never let a customer leave without a 'Have a nice day.'"
Nice job, employee. Gold star.
999 more of these, and you're
in the running for "Employee of the Millennium".
♪
Maxie rule number Who Cares:
"Watch your step!"
Max, you're not taking this seriously!
Tell that to the lady I just made a double-triple-quadruple
hyper-caf splattiato!
♪
If you keep breaking the rules,
we could lose our jobs!
Or my shot at Employee of the Millennium!
And, if you don't, I could lose my Betty...
of the millennium!
Haven't you read the rulebook?
"Try harder."
Try harder?!
Just watch me!
Leave me alone, you big beardy!
"Calvin Taylor Galvin"...
the Cat Toy God!
Hiya, Maxie-bum-bum!
What on earth are you doing here...
on Earth?!
You'll see!
Your 49th coffee, madam!
Which means...
one free coffee!
Betty!
Oh, look at that...
...a space-time rip!
We can't let that go to waste.
I'm ready for my well-deserved lifetime of old-lady...
...pampering!
All this just to lure Betty away from me?!
Betty!
Noooo!
Please stop!
This is all my fault!
It takes two to make a relationship work!
Come back, and I'll...
I'll wipe your toe jam with my tail!
Uh, I'll lick your dentures 'til they're pearly white!
That's so sweet...
but now you're in breach of rule number...
..."No employees in the...
...kitchen!"
That's it!
Gark!
We have a code 893!
Why didn't you say so?!
♪
Employee rule 893:
"Never let a customer leave without a
'Have a nice day.'"
Have a nice day.
Gark... you saved Betty!
Why must you ruin everything?!
♪
Betty!
It's not too late!
- Come into my... - ...arms!
Ooh!
Heavenly dark juice of the bean!
Wait! Betty wasn't here for the cute cats!
She's just horribly addicted to coffee!
Gark, this is the best news ever!
Oh! Maxie!
Almost forgot.
It's about time for our special evening together.
♪ I got my Betty back and I'll never let her go ♪
♪ I've got my Betty back and I'll never let her go ♪
Max...
De-worm night - it's a kitty's delight!
Come here, Maxie - I got you in my sight!
♪ De-worm your pets... today! ♪
You have one message.
Would you like to read it?
Yes, please.
Opening message.
Today is the day!
Repeat, today is when it happens!
Max!
Something's happening, and I...
I kind of need to talk to you about it!
Shh.
I'm practicing my staring.
Next time I see that Staring Dog,
I'm going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
Oh. Uh...
It... It's just it... it could destroy the earth.
Right. Destroy earth. Cool.
Listen, I'm really busy!
- But... - Shh.
Aww.
♪
Hey, Gark!
How would you like a limited-edition
T-Mort self portrait?
The answer is yes!
Thanks, Throckmorton.
It's great.
Great?!
A piece of pizza is great.
This is like... a hundred pieces of pizza!
Except it doesn't burn the top of your mouth
and leave that little piece of skin dangling down.
Uh...
My sensors are picking up a p-p-p-problem!
Is it a girl?
No, it's...
You see, Gark, girls are like...
well, they're like pizza.
Throckmorton...!
Oh, I know!
It's that smelly sac of protoplasm you call "Max".
He thinks he's all that.
"Ooh, look at me! I have fur!"
I have a body! I didn't crash into
"the top of an apartment building and get stuck!"
Yeah...
Maybe I should just go.
Don't go! I got lots more guesses!
That's what I'm afraid of.
It's just that...
...Gah!
Whoa!
I just need some assistance!
Uh, yeah, sure.
I suppose I can help with that.
I've got just the thing to take your mind off it.
Okay.
Oh, yeah. I am ready!
Gark, come on!
I'm going to go and challenge Staring Dog!
Gark?
Gaaaark?
Gark!
I need you to be my personal cheering section!
Quit being so selfish, and do what I need!
Stupid machine!
No sense of manners!
Pink electro-mushroom 79 through the wormhole!
That's a hyper jump, and I get two billion credits!
I'd like to see old Max try and play
four-dimensional 3D checkers-tennis!
Am I right, little buddy?
Uh huh.
Pfft! I could kick his butt in
four-divisional 3D chicken-tennis!
Then can we do what I want after this?
...because this isn't really working?
Of course, yeah.
Thanks, Throckmorton. You're a good friend.
That's the thanks I get for being the perfect friend?
We'll just see about this.
Right, Gark?
Oh.
Traitor!
I lose!
So, do you think we could get to my thing now?
I really, really need it.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure.
Let's just play one more game first!
Stupid Gark!
I don't need his "friendship".
There's lots of others who would love to be my friend!
Ah, The Kid - my oldest, bestest mate!
Whoa. Sorry, Max. No time.
Nelson and I got big plans.
We're going to hock loogies off the overpass.
Yeah.
You're choosing that toe-biter over someone
as charismatic and delightful as me?
Whoa! Oof!
Yep.
I know we've had our differences, but...
I think we should be besties!
Because of you, I've been electrocuted,
flattened by a snooker table,
eaten by a shark...
not to mention I now drift to the left, so...
no.
So, Anton...
I know we've had our differences, but...
Ugh. What are you...
Hmph!
I've always thought you were
such an interesting, funny guy.
Stare a hole in me, will you?
I've been looking for you!
I challenge you to a stare-off!
So you accept?
Very well, my glassy-eyed little friend.
I...
"Friend"!
Tell you what.
The loser, you,
must accompany the winner, me,
for the rest of the day as my best friend.
Oh, yes. I realize that scares you.
That's the point.
Now, let's do this!
Hmm, hmm...
Throckmorton!
Hmm...
Hurry up!
Looks like I can't count on Max or you.
Huh?
Hey!
Hey, wait up!
♪
Argh! No fair!
You cheated!
Well, I don't care.
You have to come with me anyway.
That's your penalty for being a cheater.
I'm sorry, Gark.
It's just T-Mort's not, you know, used to...
personal stuff.
You can count on me.
Really?
Of course.
Great joke! Hilarious!
Oh, Gark. And old goo-head.
Huh?!
...I'll tell you why:
because he wanted to see time fly! Get it?
What?!
Oh, I've got a good joke!
Knock-knock!
Who's there, you ask?
Lettuce. Lettuce who?
Lettuce in! It's cold out here!
Hey, Max...
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind.
It's over your head!
Have you heard the joke about the trashcan?
No, it's rubbish - like you.
Did you hear the one about the brain?
No, you wouldn't have,
'cause you haven't got one!
Right, Gark?
I don't care!
Today's the day when something really huge happens,
and it could destroy earth...
but you won't listen!
Pfft! Yeah, Throckmorton!
You, too, Max!
You're my best friend,
but it's like you don't even care!
I'm your best friend?
You're right, Gark.
I just got jealous.
You see..
It all goes back to a time
when I needed the help of someone
at a very personal moment in my life...
and my friend blew me off.
Ever since, I've just been a jealous cat.
Don't you see?
That's exactly what happened here,
but it was you who blew me off!
Quit trying to hog all the emotion, Gark.
This is my moment!
Ah, no, now I've lost it.
So, Gark, what's the big event?
- I... - Uh huh?
- I have... - Yes, yes. Go on.
- I have to... - Spit it out, Gark!
I have to...
poo.
Ugh. Fine.
Go do it, and then tell us!
No! That is the big event!
It happens once every three years,
and it's dangerous.
How can it be dangerous?
It's okay if I'm in space,
but, in Earth's atmosphere?
Hah! Kaboom!
So I have to get to space!
The ship's busted,
so you're going to need a space pod to get you there.
Yeah.
And how was I supposed to help with that?
Exactly. He can't build a space pod!
Excuse me? I can't build a space pod?
How do you know?!
Alright.
Let's see you try.
Sure... if, by "try", you mean "succeed"!
Guys, I really have to go!
Don't worry, Gark.
I'll make you a space pod -
and it won't be made out of fur balls!
♪
Hmm...
Good news, Gark!
I've almost finished with your ship!
I call it the "T-Mort Stinks X-12"!
I can't hold this much longer!
You don't even have an engine!
What do you call this?
Your ship is going down, cat!
Ack!
My beautiful ship!
Yes!
What do you say about that, Gark?
I'd say we've only got about ten seconds!
We're doomed!
No!
No we're not, Gark.
You're a good friend.
You've always had confidence in me.
And, with that kind of confidence,
I know this baby will fly!
Yep, we're doomed.
Lift-off successful, Gark.
You are "all systems go" for Operation Space Dump.
I knew you guys wouldn't let me down!
I'd like to be the bigger man and give Throckmorton
all the credit for building a new pod in two minutes...
but, if I hadn't shined up the outside with my fur,
we might not be here!
Approaching offloading zone.
Here we go.
Three... two...
one...
Oh! False alarm.
Oh, well! Live and learn!
Right. Okay.
Well, back to the important stuff!
Max, we have to go!
I've got this.
Blink!
It's happening! For real this time!
Sorry.
You... blinked.